Drink My Words: Night Noises

Funny! Because it’s true. This exact exact exact thing happened to me a couple years ago. I heard awful unearthly…something – Cries? Howls? Roars? – from outside a wall too high for any animals and that had no trees anywhere near it. I’m no big monster believer, but I swear, after I calmed from my initial surprise, I got uncalm trying to figure out what could possibly be making these frightening noises two floors up outside my house. I literally thought, “There are no such things as monsters…oh christ, that’s a monster. That’s a monster.” Finally I opened the sliding door ten feet down from the noise and interrupted two racoons on the very edge of the deck railing doing…something I myself rarely get to accomplish. No, not “develop self-worth,” and thanks for guessing that. They were, ya know…combining ingredients to make something. They stared at me, so I said, “Oh…sorry,” and went inside. Seriously, I apologized. But they took off, probably embarrassing getting caught with their opposable thumbs in naughty places. Point is, I never heard a sound like that before, and never would have guessed it was racoons bumping uglies. I really was ready to believe in monsters. Just racoons. It’s reassuring to see I’m not alone.